Originally from Alternatives to the High Cost of Litigation

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Had I not participated—quite poorly— in two negotiations, several decades ago, I never would have written “Managing Conflict Mindfully: Don’t Believe Everything You Think.”

At the time, I considered myself a mature professional negotiation expert, but I performed like an utter amateur. The episodes left me embarrassed, ashamed, and bewildered. Partly as a result, in the ensuing years, I have gradually developed a method for better understanding and addressing conflict, which I call Mindful Conflict Management. The book invites you to sample, consider, test, and—if you like—learn to use it.

The first of my failed negotiations arose in Luxor, Egypt, in the midst of a luxurious vacation with my wife and 12-year-old son. I bargained hard with a carriage driver, who told me he struggled to support his wife and six children. A menacing presence, I thought, he subtly threatened me, then blatantly cheated me out of almost five dollars. As a result, I dropped into a funk, infused with anger and craving for revenge, that ruined our last evening in Egypt.